Old Patterns…A Musing

Releasing Patterns by Uma Joy

Old Patterns Can Often Rear Their Old Selves — A Musing

I caught myself this morning as an Old Pattern showed it still has the power to arise.  The lovely thing about it today is how quickly I saw it and was able to laugh in a good way.

I was thinking about a connection/conversation I recently had with a friend.  I noticed that sometimes during a conversation with them I can often feel my excitement to share my exuberance of some events, and find myself talking fast in that excited way and going from this part of the story to that part of it and so it goes. 

What I realized was there was a great deal of judgement arising toward my feeling of being “too much.” I started to feel bad, less kind to myself, “shoulding” on myself. I then noticed the old memories and feelings that I had as a child (and other times in my life) when I was often told that I was talking too much, too loud, too fast.  (Interpretation: I was “Too Much!” I needed to shrink myself.)

What I loved today was catching myself before I lived that old pattern.  Then, in truth, while I was journaling about this, my friend was texting me how much they enjoyed our time together, our conversation and how they loved my excitement about what I was sharing, how inspiring it was, and how happy they were for me.  (WOW!!!) 

I began thinking “where else do I do this?”  Where do I shrink myself? Where do I make a decision FOR SOMEONE ELSE about what they think and my projection of how they want me to be so they can accept me, without letting them make their own decisions.  (Oh the stories we tell ourselves -  at least – the stories I tell Myself!)

What is your relationship with patterns in your life?

Do old patterns really die hard? Or do we just need to be vigilant in our awareness and laugh at them when the rear their head and maybe be with them and ourselves with kindness and compassion.    

May we be kind to ourselves and each other.