Whose Voice is Speaking When I Open My Mouth? - A Musing

“Truth in the Space Between” by Uma Joy

When I speak, how do I make sure it is MY Voice that is speaking?  How do I even know if I have a voice?  Is it ever truly mine?   For decades I have heard other’s voices – telling me what is right, what I should think, feel, say, do…How do I make sure it is ME speaking, doing, thinking, feeling? 

Maybe I should back up for a moment, to help make this clear.  I am speaking of the voices of people around me, starting when I was VERY, VERY young.  “Be a good girl, be nice, you don’t really think that, that’s not a nice thing to say, say you are sorry (but I’m not), you should…(XYZ)” and on and on it went.  Did that happen to you?  Most people I talk with have variations of this story.  When it happens over and over it is easy to lose track of what is MINE and what is someone else’s. 

So back to the point of how do I know it is ME that is doing the thinking and the feeling? How do I know that it is MY sovereignty that is present? When one has been a peacemaker, a pleaser, a “good girl…” for most of their life, it can be challenging to know the difference.

Am I present to ME? To know this it seems the key is to truly know myself.  I need, and want,  to know myself so deeply, so intimately, that I know in an instant whether it is me speaking, feeling, etc., over someone else.  For me, I tune into my heart, my mind, my gut… my entire being, all of which is connected to Mother Earth and the cosmos, and check in how I feel -- is this True?  I often tune in, in this way, asking is it a Full Body YES!  If there is a part of me that is not feeling a Yes, then I can ask if I can do, think, say – whatever is being addressed in a different way that has all parts of me feeling that YES!

Sometimes it does not seem reasonable to do a “full process” for every moment.  It is helpful, for me, that if I want to be “in the Ready” for being present and awake, I need to continually be awakening/ practicing – so I am able to know in that present moment, is this a yes or no?  To know I am ready or not ready to do, say, answer…to whatever is arising. 

I choose to live my life, speaking from my heart – as best as I can.  I wish to speak and act from love, from kindness.  I try to take a pause, a breath, to tune in before acting and speaking unconsciously.  When I am not in that “consciousness” space when I act and speak, my body, my heart, my mind – do NOT feel good.  That is when I feel this is not the True Me speaking.  I then can choose to auto correct, reflect, and change behavior and/or words to realign myself with my True Self.

…and so the Musing goes….